Soooo, this isn't probably much of a shock, but I think Id do the right thing to share this with some of my followers... .
After a lot of thinking, I decided to stop with my photography study. It's been enough, and I think it's the right thing to do.
At this moment I am studying for almost 7 years on a study that should take 4 years... . By the law I am allowed to take more time on my studies as I have several (illness) indications... But I think everyone can imagine the feeling of failure if you still don't have anything achieved in 7 years while others do it in 4... .
The study isn't hard and is more close to being easy really... My teachers have often questioned me why I don't simply start for myself already as they think I do well enough... That is when I am at school...
And there is the problem... when I am at school... .
Most people know (or dont so in that case, prepare for a shock...) I have several problems... I've been diagnosed with Manic Depression and Borderline. (Tadaaaa!~)
This means in my case I am really looking for a good enviroment and I like to know what people expect from me. No chaos, order. (This sound a bit Templarish heh? FILTHY BORDERLINERS!!)
Anyway, My school is about the exact opposite of this. It costs me a LOT of effort to go to school and just sit there and wait 'till I can go home. (As really, I don't learn much new stuff.)
Even then, Im still totally broken and dead when I get home. I want to crawl in my bed and stop the time. Whiiiich I still can not, working on that.
Anyhow, I am allowed to work about 20 hours a week and my school really doesn't care about it. They don't even want to talk about it, there is no option.
And really, I can understand people find it hard to believe something is wrong with me as no one can see something about me. I ain't sitting in a wheelchair and I don't have any broken arms... My brains are in a wheelchair.. they function well, but with their own difficulties... . But as no one can see that, no one cares.
It's 7 years later now, and I think it's ok. It feels like trying so hard for something I will never achieve in the end. Maybe I try something else to get at least a bit of appreciation in the end. But for what I'm doing now, It's been well and good.
I'm not stupid, nor I am dumb, I can make good photo's which I will continue doing, but not for school. As this delivers me 500 Euro loan a month and that's just too much.
And for everyone who thinks I am looking for attention for being 'oh so emo', screw yourselves and you know where to find the delete/unwatch button. I know the real deal and that's fine for me.